Boxing in school

What a brilliant idea. The newest initiative to deal with fat kids, is to make them fight to the death in a boxing ring. Only one will make it out alive. Bets will be placed on who's heart will explode into a fountain of cholesterol and chip fat first. Sadly of course they wont take it that far. But getting the already brain debted majority of our current education system to beat the hell into each others' brains, is definitely a good idea. I mean, how can it go wrong?

Lord Levy Arrested

Breaking news. Lord Levy, friend of Tony Blair and Labour fundraiser has been arrested again. No charge has been made, but surely it can't be long before the net tightens. This on top of the arrest of Ruth Turner a top aide to Tony Blair, really shows just how corrupt this government is. Of course you could say that there's nothing wrong with the Government accepting money for peerages, after all its gone on for years. The Tories, who made such a fuss of the cash for honours scandal, had actually made more money out of it than Labour. Mind you, the Tories are hardly reliable now a days. And they still haven't got any policies except, of course, opposing everything the Government does.

Shilpa wins

So Shilpa Shetty has won Big Brother. Big surprise. The country could not take 'alleged racism' so seriously without doing so. Ironic though that last time Jade was voted the winner, and has since fallen out of favour with the public; can the same be expected of Shilpa? Will she incense the nation by, perhaps, barbecuing a Battersea dog, and eating it? Somehow, I think she might.

I want to keep this particular post short, as the vacuous waste of tabloid drivel that seems to constantly take up air time on Channel 4, deserves to have its oxygen forcibly ripped out of its lungs. However, looking at the tabloids this morning, it was interesting to see that nearly all had pictures of Shilpa on their front pages. All that is except the Daily Express. Again no surprise there. Nice to know that the ever "respectable" Daily Express is taking a completely unbiased view.

Duck rises from the dead

A duck in florida has risen from the dead after being shot, locked in a refrigerator and dying twice on the operating table. Perky the duck, was found alive in a hunter's fridge two days after being shot. I think a better name for this duck would be Jesus, Lord of the Ducks. I mean, Jesus was only resurrected once, and this duck has done it twice.

However this could be a part of a bigger problem. What if all animals start coming back from the dead? One day your biting into you burger, and the next its biting into you. As I see it we only have a few months left. Start stocking up on all the vegetables you can, and hide yourself away from the meat. It's now survival of the meatiest.

Link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6309159.stm

The obesity Tsar

A parliamentary watchdog has called for an 'obesity Tsar' to tackle the explosion of fat children. Yes, every year over a hundred fat children explode from overeating, and the Government has finally decided to something about it. However is a Tsar really what we need? Do we want to see after a couple of years a bloody uprising, fat children being rolled into the Tsar's palace and his family being killed, only to be replaced by a new Socialist Dictator, who says he will redistribute food to those who want it, whilst secretly betraying his Communist ideals, and keeping all the food to himself? I think not.

The solution however is obvious.

We attach fat children to the front of our cars and make them run. Not only do we turn our children into lean, mean, Olympic winning machines, but we also beat climate change by getting rid of fossil fuels. I can't imagine why this hasn't already been done.